The Two Keys…
I came into my office after being out this evening. My husband was home with the kids so that I could do some networking for my business. I felt so inspired and empowered to be around other people working towards their dreams. My high was suddenly cut off when I sat down at my desk. I intended to write a blog post about something I felt passionate about, but instead, I am telling you about the two keys I found on my desk.
One is the house key, and the other is the mailbox key. My husband and I recently separated. I decided it was time to hold my boundary of integrity. This meant he had to move out so I could heal from the 16 years of being married to someone who was never honest with me about who they were. This blog post isn't about that, though.
It is about these two keys and what they symbolize. When you move from home, you always hand the keys over. It means you won't be walking through the door anymore. If you return, you are a guest who must knock to be allowed in. As I sit here and look at these keys, I can't help but feel a deep sadness settle over my soul. While I did set the boundary. He laid these keys on my desk. Boundaries are probably the hardest thing for us to understand. Setting healthy ones can change your life. It meant the end of my marriage, for now. It meant being a single mom with four kids. It meant having to put my youngest in daycare so I could work outside the home. It meant being alone. It also meant I was safe to start healing. The trade-off is worth it.
These two keys also symbolize a decision. I made the hardest choice I have ever had to make. I seriously never thought I would have to make that choice. I thought God was holding my marriage, and so many times when it was so hard, and I asked Father why He would put us together? He always reminded me, "because I have a plan," I would ask Him to reveal to me the plan, but in return, He always told me, "just watch. I promise you won't miss it."
I know God never planned for my marriage to fall apart. He does not create division. He does not cause two people to walk away from each other. While He is not behind any of this, He knew it would happen, and He was always prepared to use it for His purpose. The most powerful lesson I am learning right now is that He is always near. I feel the restoration of my heart towards what I allowed my heart to put in a box. During this season, I am slowly opening the boxes I had packed away. It's like I just moved into a new home, and I have all the boxes open, so I can see what's in each one. I start to slowly pull the things out and put them in their places. So right now, I put these two keys into a box to look at later. I won't close the box and tape it up. I won't put the box away. I will know it's there, and I will wait on God to tell me when to pull the two keys out again.