Managing Triggers
So it happened tonight...the first time in maybe a month. Which is a huge improvement for me, given I lived a life wrapped up in a trigger-fest whirlpool.
I wasn't expecting it. I will say that today my mood had shifted into a "no non-sense" direction because as the month ends and another begins, I have things I know I need to get done. So I started to develop tunnel vision. Then it happened. I started with a simple request for help and was told no. Ok, not a big deal at all. I don't expect help in all the ways I need it, and I know sometimes I need to manage it independently. After all, this is my reality now as a single mom. It was the way I was denied...it was the reason that came with it. All of a sudden, I started to overthink myself into a narrative that was probably not true. At this point, I was too far gone to stop myself. I started to feel emotions that I knew weren't going to serve me. I checked in with my group leader because that's what helps keep me accountable, so I don't do the wrong things during a time where I feel weak. I would do things that later I would either regret or would make me feel worse in the past. So for the sake of being on the same page, here is what you probably shouldn't do while triggered: Text your ex, get on a dating app (I have never done this), eat something bad for you, go online shopping, scroll Facebook or TikTok for 6 hours, make a long passive-aggressive post on your social media accounts (I have also never done this either). I am sure I could keep going, but you might have your own list of No's. Take time to identify them and write them down and commit to having a personal boundary with them.
(Originally written February 23, 2021)
During my [therapeutic] separation from my husband, I would initiate a conversation with him while triggered. It took me a long time to find a better way. Having a conversation with him while I felt rejection only made me feel rejection even more. I couldn't control whether he wanted me or not. It didn't stop me from trying. I finally got to a place where I would find better ways to anchor myself during these times.
Tonight as I sit here trying to ground myself again, I want to share five things I find helpful when triggered.
1.) Tune in to what you are feeling. My support group leader asked me this evening what my feelings were. A year ago, I wouldn't have been able to tune into this as well as I do now. Very quickly, I was able to say: Jealousy, Anger, Sadness, Loneliness (but I didn't want anyone), Shut down, and overthinking. I try to run and problem solve myself out of feelings, but now I allow myself to sit with them.
2.) Taking a bath is my favorite way to tune into my feelings as well. It flips a switch in my brain and makes me feel like I am in a bubble for a moment. It is harder to distract yourself when you are in the bath. There isn't anything to do except think. I am not talking about overthinking...I am talking about thinking about why you feel the way you do. Baths are also great ways to refresh your mind and body.
3.) Get in the WORD. I mean the Bible. I love reading Psalms. David's words usually soothe my soul in these volatile moments. No one has messed up or had it as rough as that poor man. He experienced betrayal, and his heart was always on God.
4.) Pray it out! This is so hard because you tend to let your thoughts take you captive while you are in a trigger fest. This makes praying very hard because you can't focus. I have a great tip I can offer you to help. MUSIC! Either put on some praise music (I have a few suggestions I can post below) beforehand to change your heart posture, so you aren't self-focus but God-focused. When I am really struggling, I will continue prayer while having some epic music running through my earbuds. I highly recommend this song played on repeat for at least 30 minutes.
5.) Last but not least is to journal. This has probably been my most powerful tool for my healing. It's my direct line between God and my heart. It only takes a few sentences before I feel the Ruach washing over me with comfort and care. Usually, I start with gratitude, but in this case, I start writing what flows from my mind to the paper. I left it all out, and I don't hold back. I don't try to be eloquent or gracious. I let my ugly wash over that paper, and the fascinating thing is that about halfway down, my heart starts to shift, and I can see my words go from self-focused victim to turning my eyes towards God for validation of my pain.