Routine: Do’s and Don’ts
It's the first of the year, and everyone is ready to start on the right foot. December seems to be the month we let go of all boundaries in our life, and anything goes. The next thing we know, the house is a wreck, kids are staying up later and later, and you haven't used those new bath salts you got a month ago to de-stress during the holidays. So let's talk routine and some common mistakes people make when they start one or start one over.
I love routine, and I thrive with routine. I know some scoff at it, but really I believe routine is the foundation to having your life run smoothly. It doesn't have to be strict to the point where you have no flexibility. In fact, I highly recommend you add times of flexibility to the day, so each week allows for spontaneity. So I want to share with you the five biggest mistakes people make when creating a routine.
1.) Making it too strict: This is really frustrating for you and your family because when your routine is so strict that one little monkey wrench causes the whole thing to fall apart, then it's just not working for you. You have to allow some flexibility for the things that happen beyond our control. Things like traffic jams or road construction make simple errands take longer. Or those times when the kids meltdown and getting out of the house takes an extra 30 minutes. This is probably one of the number one source of stress for moms with smaller kids. Just go with the flow and adjust. You will be chill, and your kids will not remember you as the mom who freaked out.
2.) Not allowing for self-care: I really think this is the most important thing you can do for yourself and your family every day. It's usually an afterthought, though. Self-care isn't just for us ladies! It's for your kids too! So make this a priority, even if it means you take 15 minutes at the end of the day giving your kids a little massage with some essential oils. Or practicing intentional breathing and going for a walk.
3.) Too many things planned for each day: I practice the rule of three's each day. I have different hats I wear each day, such as mom, household manager, business owner, employee (yes, I work outside the home now). So I plan to tackle three things a day with each category of my life. When something unexpected happens, and I have to cancel the whole day, it's a lot easier to catch up later. I try to make them three simple things that will push the needle forward, so I feel accomplished at the end of the day.
4.) Not giving the kids a routine: Some feel kids should have the freedom to explore, and others think kids need a structure for the whole day. I would say falling in the middle is the best. In my house, we have a 30-minute chore bust. I set a timer, and boom, we get the three things done. Then we have an hour to play before we start the bedtime routine. There are two types of households that raise adults more likely to struggle with mental health: Strict and chaos. If you feel like you are swinging one way to the other, then start a simple routine for the week and get the whole family involved. Kids want to make their own decisions, so give them options and let them decide. The best way to do this is to make a list of chores that need to get done each week. Let them assign a day to each chore, ensuring they can get it done in a thirty-minute period of time.
5.) Giving up when it doesn't work the first time: did you know it can take up to 3-6 months for a routine to work itself out and become a habit? It will never work in the first week or probably the first month. Start simple, and cut yourself some slack. Take time to reflect on the week and ask yourself what didn't work and what did. Maybe you aren't giving yourself enough time to cook dinner. Maybe your kids need more downtime in the bedtime process to become calm enough to settle when lights are turned out.
Hopefully, this will be easy to avoid. It's perfectly normal for you to go from a household chaos model to a rigid model. Neither one is fun, and that doesn't help you get a grip on all the things you have to do each day. Keep it fun and get the family to help you out. Most importantly, give yourself grace when it doesn't always go as planned.